Craig's OTHER List: Arriving Like an Armored Assault Anti-Aircraft RV

It is Spring again, everything old is renewed and we get to start over from where we left off last summer. Including another installment of let's make life as weird as possible.

The ground clearance is chest high on me, and I'm 6-3.

Just after April Fools' Day, hanging out in our front room with our two month old son, I notice this giant vehicle coming up our street. Motorized modes of transportation go up and down our street all the time, but this one was slightly out of place and sounded like a tank. It stopped in front the neighbors who live across the street diagonally from us. The neighbors, as well as the vehicle's occupants, congregated in the street and were inspecting and pointing around as if attempting to come to a conclusion on some particular aspect of life.

Now way to curious to ignore, I get the 60-day old Russell to fall into a deep slumber to make room for my voyeurism. This oversized box truck was too big to back into their driveway and they seemed to be pondering where to safely park it.

Soon, they are utilizing a telescopic pole saw to hack off several lower-level tree limbs coming off of the topiary in their front yard next to the street. This, I gathered, was the only way to rest the monstrosity on wheels in the street without blocking their driveway or other vehicles traveling along Elmwood Drive.

When L saw what was happening, she immediately then went google searching to discover this beaut was actually an upscale living quarters and sold for well over six figures, times two. It is the sort of thing you'd find - in my mind - being dropped into an area devastated by a nuclear disaster as temporary shelter.

Nonetheless, the folks who landed it on our street on this day were simply visiting their friends (our neighbors) for a few days. The neighbor who lives directly across the street from us, and to the left of the home in the picture, sent us a text asking if we knew where the ridiculous armored assault vehicle came from. A day later, Rob informed us the anti-aircraft RV would be leaving the following Tuesday. He did have to ask the folks who live in the house that's actually attached to the ground on our street if they could avoid parking on the opposite of their traveling friends so as to allow for through traffic.

Aside from the numerous city codes being violated, the obnoxious blocking of regular traffic and my inability to park in front of my house - we survived the four days of occupation by the traveler extremists.

Other than that it has been a typical rain, snow, rain, warm, rain, breezy, rain, cold, rain, sun and more rain spring. Not to mention the sixth version of The Buck Fifty - Southern Ohio's 150 mile, 24 hour, 10 person team relay to kick off the non-winter portion of 2022.

Again this year, I would take the Van #1, Runner #2 position for team Traffic Panthers as we battle the streets, roads, paths and Appalachian foothills around Chillicothe, Ohio with more than 80 other teams.

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We are scheduled to take off at 5pm on Friday afternoon with Eric leading the way. Unseasonably warm (well over 70) is what we are greeted with. Not that 70 is overly warm for April, but we've been running in typical Ohio spring weather the last few weeks - topping out 50 or so. This year is also a bit different with us leaving at a later time and with some faster teams so having some competition & company along the way would be few and far between.

I'm at Adena Mansion warming up and waiting for Eric to arrive. I'm well hydrated and continue loosening up in the shade. Just before Eric appears, a Bald Eagle flies overhead with a prey of some kind swaying in it's talons. It is humid and I'm now hoping that Eagle wouldn't be searching for me in the coming miles.

Once I get the baton (5:55 pm), I race down Adena hill turn along the bike path and jet up Yaples Orchard. I'm feeling the incline, but I'm not overwhelmed. I pass a competitor at about three miles in, but that's it. There is no one I can see or chase. This left me to my own devices and going a little slower than I wanted on the backend. I did get passed by an elite squad member at around 6 miles and was able to eventually see other runners, but it was near the end of the route and I wouldn't be catching them. Though, the water left for runners by spectators along the trail at Maple Grove Prairie was greatly appreciated.

I arrive at Hopewell Culture National Historic Park and hand off to Josh just before passing another runner. Overall, my times on the segments on the hilly portion were the best I have run on this route, but I slowed on the long straight stretch as the isolation killed my momentum with no one to track down. I covered the 7.32 miles and 308 feet of elevation in 50:21. Decent, but not my best time here.

The next few checkpoints were a bit lonely as they would be full of teams when we arrived, but would would soon empty as their runners arrived and we waited on ours. A different perspective as compared to the past years. Finally, at the first van transition at Adena High School, we arrive with several other teams and after handing off to van #2 we head to Mark's house to chill for a couple of hours. I down some breakfast bake, a traditional van transition beer and relax for about 90 minutes before heading off again.

We return to the next transition to take over for van #2 at the Kingston Grain Mill. Again, teams everywhere before slowly dwindling. Though, they seem to be around a bit longer now than before. Van #2 greets us and Chris arrives to hand off to Eric, our second go around begins.

Zane Trace High School is our next stop and my second starting point. Here, it is nearly empty, only a handful of teams but other squads trickle in. Again, I'm warming up and it is warm but not hot as it was before. Excellent running weather and I'm hoping to redeem myself from a disappointing first route. Before too long, Eric arrives and with my headlamp and knuckle lights I take off.

This time I'm out (1:31 am) in enough time to have someone to chase. It is a long straight stretch to start and I can focus on my competitor's safety lights bouncing in the night air on the horizon. I'm comfortable and satisfied with my leg turnover, the ability to focus on a subject and be blinded by the night sky from all distractors is a blessing in disguise. I can see I'm tracking him down and hardly notice my first mile was 5:51. Fast, but not too fast, as this is what happens when you get the chance to race against someone and not just yourself.

He turns into Great Seal State Park where some nice elevation begins and I follow moments later, the same takes place as we turn left onto a muddy trail. There is no footing to speak of and the climbing is at a snail's pace. We cross over a park road and back onto a trail, I'm about 15 feet behind as we dodge roots, ruts & rocks. Suddenly he comes to a stop and steps aside, allowing me to go by. He looks to be in good shape and I wasn't all that close to him, so I'm trying to figure out why he let me pass. Then it hit me as I start to see route markers on trees more clearly. My headlamp and knuckle lights created much more of a line of sight than what his lights were, thus making our route more visible.

Now with him on my tail, and the comfortable night air coaxing us along, I'm pushing through with relative ease. We turn through a lighted path to the baton exchange at a parking lot near the Sugarloaf Mountain Trailhead and handoff to Josh. I'm feeling exhilarated and satisfied. I cover the 3.38 miles and 282 feet of elevation in 24:03. At our van, I'm explaining what the dude I passed did and why I think we let me by and since it is in the wee hours of the morning - and sound travels - his voice from the van on the other side of the lot exclaims, "That's EXACTLY what I did!" Though he finished just behind me, I'm happy I caught him.

As we head to the next checkpoint, we pass several emergency/medical personnel coming the opposite direction. Come to find out, on the leg Josh had just taken off on, a competitor had fallen on the rocky terrain and suffered a dislocated kneecap, unable to make it down the trail himself. Again, the checkpoint is loaded with vans, a sure sign we are gaining on some teams. This ends up being the case up through the next van transition at Walnut Creek Campground. Van #2 heads out again and we, again, head back to Mark's to chill for awhile.

Here I woof down to large pieces of the remaining breakfast bake and traditional transition beer. I get about 90 minutes of sleep before I wake myself up with anticipation of my next route. A wrong turn on the trail on this leg last year cost us quite a bit of time and I was eager to redeem myself.

Eric was slow in getting up and since it is easy to get under his skin, I have Mark's Alexa device blare "Still Loving You" by the Scorpions and sing along with it in only the best way I know how - obnoxiously. Perturbed that he would be not getting his precious additional 15 minutes of sleep, I am greeted with a variety of f-bombs and related synonyms. His rant slowed down, but continued as we headed to the next transition at my alma mater, Southeastern High School.

Here we meet back up with van #2 and nearly 30 other vans as we have officially caught up to the other Buck Fifty race nomads. Soon Chris arrives to hand off to Eric for the third and final time. As we leave Southeastern, Tom (a former Traffic Panther) and current race volunteer yells, "There's my team!" We jokingly let him know how we feel about his decision to stepdown from Buck Fifty competition. Headed to the checkpoint of my next run, we pass 20 to 30 runners and I'm happy to have more folks to track down.

We get to Shelly & Sands Quarry just outside of my hometown of Richmond Dale and watch as teams roll in. I warm up by jogging around the quarry's giant piles of rock & sand. The sun is up and it's hazy, it is humid and will be getting hotter. Eric shows up and outruns a competitor at the checkpoint and I'm off for the third time (9:13 am) along Higby Road toward The Buckeye Trail. The gentleman directly behind me looks like he knows what he's doing, so I try to stay in front of him to at least the trailhead.

Once onto the trail, the massive climbing begins. My lungs are on fire and my legs are rubbery, but soon I make a pass. As the terrain levels out, I trip and nearly face plant, but catch myself and bounce back up. Soon I make a few more passes, but the footsteps behind me are hard to ignore. When we get to a relatively level area, I wave him past. Continuing on, I again catch a rock and fall forward. I stop myself from crashing hard, and bounce back up a second time. The worn out legs are now struggling to pick the feet up off the ground.

More competitors are passed, many of them walking as the elevation is hard to endure. I still, though, keep the dude who passed me within eyesight. I turn the correct way at the point of last year's wrong turn and soon find myself arriving at the checkpoint and pass off to Josh. I excitedly proclaim having picked off twelve competitors and celebrate the end of my assigned routes, covering the 5.76 miles and 784 feet of elevation in 49:25.

The next few checkpoints had us passing several teams before handing off to van #2 for the final time. We head back to the start to get our cars, but instead of waiting for our team to finish. I, in an exhausted state, drove home instead of waiting for another two to three hours for the finish. By this time, it was well over 80 degrees, hot and uncomfortable. I needed to shower, eat, sleep and see my 11 week-old son, Russell. My task of 16.46 miles & 1,374 feet of climbing in about 20 hours was done for at least one more year. April 2023 will come faster than you can comprehend.

We did end up finishing with a team record time or 22:57:50, placing 18th out of 82 teams. In the mixed team category, we pulled in a fourth place finish out of 44 teams. And did it all with some familiar faces, as well as a mix of folks who were able to step in at the last moment when life simply got in the way. A big THANK YOU to my teammates: Sarah, Lisa, Eli, Evette, Chris, Terrell, David G., Dustin, Mark, Josh, Dave B. and Eric.

Things happen sometimes, and sometimes it is for the better. Speaking of, if you happen to get your hands on this year's race guide (which was outstanding by the way) you should turn to the very last page. Just a quick reminder that change is good.

So we have completed a half dozen Buck Fifty races and it seems this event has become our annual signal that summer is on the horizon. With this past weekend's summer-like temperatures, I can now see myself on a sandy beach nestled against a cool body of water or on majestic mountainside letting the warm breeze release everything trivial. The air, the water - whether fresh or salty - may it forever be your Chlorine...

Twenty One Pilots - Chlorine

Sippin' on straight chlorine,

Let the vibe slide over me,

This beat is a chemical, beat is a chemical,

When I leave don't save my seat,

I'll be back when it's all complete,

The moment is medical, moment is medical.

Loving what I'm tasting,

Venom on my tongue,

Dependent at times.

Poisonous vibrations,

Help my body run,