Birds of a Feather Run Together

Last year when it came time for the autumn equinox, someone forgot to wake up fall or summer was just having to much fun to leave. You could hardly blame it - I met L, spent a week in Costa Rica and broke the seal on the half marathon (and melted in the 90-plus degree heat in Celina).

This year, fall wasted no time. The 2018 autumn equinox landed on Saturday, Sept. 22. The three days before we had high temperatures of 88, 88 and 90. On this day, we had a high of 70 (the jury is still out on whether we actually hit 70) with the preceding days struggling to equal that mark.

The football weekend felt like you would expect a football weekend to be like. It was just weird at how much the weather transitioned in a 12 hour period. A monsoon of rain, wind, thunder and lightning hit us at rush hour on Friday and similar to the aliens in the War of the Worlds film, fall forced itself upon us by Saturday afternoon.

No one is complaining, its just interesting how summer was shoved out the door and told not to come back for eight months...in a nice way, of course (just ignore the image of the footprint on it's backside). It has been lovely to run in the recently arrived mild weather. I for one enjoy running in the cooler weather and the rain. It reminds of those bygone days of  high school and collegiate cross country.

Having just completed her first race since joining the running crowd, L has been all-systems-go regarding getting faster, adding miles and exploring event possibilities. Being an outdoorsy person, animal lover and avid bird watcher, she was excited to throw our hats into the ring regarding the Red Tail Run 5K and Walk for Wildlife at the Ohio Wildlife Center in nearby Powell. 

This race in the Shawnee Hills area of NW Columbus supports the nearly 5,000 animals from 145 different species admitted to Ohio Wildlife Center’s free hospital each year. The goal is to treat these animals and get them back to the wild. All race proceeds, "are directed back to Ohio Wildlife Centers non-profit mission of fostering awareness and appreciation of Ohio’s native wildlife through rehabilitation, education and wildlife health studies."

As you can see, this race - and those it would benefit - are right up her alley. And it would be a change of pace for us. Instead of L following me and joining in on my suggested quests, we would reverse rolls. This did land on a weekend I was scheduled to work, but with it having a 9am start and my Sunday work day not beginning till 12:45. We could squeeze it in, especially since it would be just 12 miles (20 minutes) from our house.

Another added fun benefit would come after the race. According to race details, "Once finished, racers can witness the release of a recovered wildlife hospital patient back to the wild and visit with resident hawks, owls, coyotes, foxes and other education ambassadors at our Powell center." It would be nice spending a fall morning running a quick 5k.

The Tuesday before, I noticed some soreness around my right heel but it dissipated as the day went on. Then Wednesday morning the same pain returned but was more pronounced. Annoyed, I look into it and discovered Plantar Fasciitis had developed. This was obvious when the "morning hobble" set in, or your foot trying to heal itself in a contracted position overnight. Taking that first step out of bed causes sudden strain on the bottom of your foot, resulting in pain in your heel or arch and I felt it to the full extent.

I ran about six miles the prior afternoon without issue, but the pain recurs after long spells of sitting. Of course, it fades during a run or once you are consistently moving again - but it is quite frustrating.

Not amputating yet

The condition is caused by drastic or sudden increases in mileage, poor foot structure, and/or inappropriate running shoes which can overload the plantar fascia (the connective tissue that runs from your heel to the base of your toes), resulting in heel pain. Since the first three on that list I can safely rule out, I'm guessing it has to do with my shoes. I bought them at the end of May, just before the New Moon Half & Quarter Marathon, Crescent Moon 5K, and they are starting to show some wear. Doing the math, I have put about 500 miles on them (give or take 5 miles or so) - which is a standard for when to put shoes to rest.

This does not mean you have to stop running, you just have to treat it with things like stretching, icing, arch support, foot taping, wearing a night splint and taking anti-inflammatories. If treated right, it shouldn't persist. At the moment its just annoying, like the calf strain I developed about this time last year. I purchased an arch support brace and have been wearing it since and it has helped immensely. And icing the area after each run has put a stop to the awful morning hobble.

I never had these issues back in the day, but then gain I wasn't in my 40's then either. Come on body, try to keep up with the mind!

**We back EVERY pair with 

FREE Replacements if Lost or Broken**

**Each order also secures 11 meals 

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                                    Live Hard. We Got You.

Our route would begin at Ohio Wildlife Center's service driveway, and then right onto Cook Road, and then the next 3 available left-hand turns onto Merchant Road, Concord Road, and back to Cook Road and finishing at 6131 Cook Road, in the same location as the start line.

It was a partly cloudy, bright, cool Autumn morning. The kind where you don long sleeves but just before it feels too warm, the cool air reminds you why you avoided the t-shirt and shorts. I wore tights in order to avoid cramping and to protect some still-recovering lower half muscle tissue.

I position myself in front and L works her way into the middle of the pack of the corral. Warming up, I notice at least one dude who looked like he would wipe the floor with me which would be a good thing. Having someone in front would be a great way to work on half marathon pacing. Sure enough, as we take off he darts in front and I follow just enough to keep myself in line.

The beautiful sunrise and cool fall breeze along the country roads made it easy to get comfortable. As the gazelle in front drifts further away, I push my stride to work on maintaining a relatively fast pace. It was a race, but great real time practice for future endeavors. The rolling hills were a fun roller coaster ride and the openness of the topography allowed me to keep the dude in front within sight.

He distanced himself quite a bit and I had no intentions of trying to close the gap, but it did feel great to stretch the legs and keep them rolling for the 3 1/4 miles (it was a 5k race, but my Garmin Watch claimed it was just a bit longer). Turning the final corner and back into the Ohio Wildlife Center, I cross the finish and stop my watch at 19:54 with a chip time of 19:51. This is about the time I figured out as to why my time didn't seem to correlate with how I thought I was running, as the miles covered portion on my watch displayed 3.25. The second place finish with splits of 5:56, 6:15 and 6:09 were more than satisfying.

Downing some water, I garnered my finisher's medal and hung out at the finish line - high-fiving others as they come in and waiting for L. Making my way back up to the road, I glance down and see L on the horizon, she's looking pretty smooth and I cheer her on as she, too, reaches the end. Meeting up with her, she looks perplexed. Fighting through winded breathing, "That wasn't a 5k, it was further...wasn't it?"

"Yeah, it was 3 and a quarter."

"I was gonna say," she states, "I didn't think my watch was that off far off. Still, that's 30 seconds faster than my time at the Amish Country 5k!"

Post race us

Actually, it was 34 seconds faster despite being .15 of a mile further and she placed 20th overall - not too shabby. We scarfed down coffee, donuts and bagels while browsing some of the rescued birds and raptures who are permanent residents at the center.

The highlight was watching a Red-Tailed Hawk be released back into the wild after completing rehabilitation. The carrier it was in was opened, allowing for it to take off on it's own but instead just sat there for about five minutes. When officials attempted to coax it on, the rapture turned toward them and spread it's giant wings as if to say, "Chill out man! I'm taking my time, back off humans!" Maybe it needed to time to reflect. Moments later it spread it's wings again, but this time it lifted off the ground and soared into some trees before disappearing in the morning horizon. It was quite a sight to see.

We hopped back in the car and drove the 20 minutes or so home where I then made myself look appropriate and headed off to work. As for L, she dug into some homework before heading off to play softball with our neighbor's city rec team.

It is now officially October - the time of year for Halloween, trick-or-treat, fall foliage and college football conference games, not to mention the Nationwide Children's Hospital Columbus Marathon & 1/2 Marathon is just three weeks away. The leaves are changing and pumpkin spice everything is coming out of the woodwork...whether you like it or not, it's only right....

Wallows - It's Only Right

New ways to spend all my time
Some's gone and some doesn't feel right

I need a notice to stay and I don't think I'm gonna find it

You say you want, but never will

Just take it back and tell me no

It's easier to be alone, than to be lied to

Why'd you waste all the time

Back and forth in my mind

Clean it out, tell me now

Was it worth all the time?

You're not here, with me dear

Can we go, through the years?

Take you there, every night

Say that it's only right

White noise that plays in my head

Tried to recall the words you said

Can you sink into my dreams?

And then I'll never wanna wake up

I hear you talk, when you're not there

It comes at me from everywhere

Can you lose the rest of me

And take my mind away?

Why'd you waste all the time

Back and forth in my mind

Clean it out, tell me now

Was it worth all the time?

You're not here, with me dear

Can we go, through the years?

Take you there, every night

Say that it's only right

I'm wide awake, it feels like all the time

I need to know if it'll be alright

I'm waiting on another day to fall

When you're awake to hear my call

'Cause it's...

I'm wide awake, it feels like all the time

(Open, my door is open)

I need to know if it'll be alright

(Please let me know when)

I'm waiting on another day to fall

(You're coming home)

When you're awake to hear my call

Why'd you waste all the time

Back and forth in my mind

Clean it out, tell me now

Was it worth all the time?

You're not here, with me dear

Can we go, through the years?

Take you there, every night

Say that it's only right

Pictures provided by Lauren B.

"Staas-toberfest" at Staas Brewing

Race day sunrise from the car

Second place goof off

Start & Finish Line

Injured, permanent resident

Red-Tailed Hawk being set free

Horned Owl

This Turkey is either injured, or faking
it until after the holidays

Dabber Schpring & Football "Schpass"

Amish Words: 
schpass = fun
Dabber Schpring = Run Quickly “dop-uh shpring”

As Memorial Day is known as the "unofficial" start to summer, Labor Day is the not-so official end of summer. Funny how it isn't set in stone as summer's end, but the vast majority of us have the day off, creating a long weekend (see, even government folks and employers understand the season's demise needs a bereavement period). This is then followed by a short work week which leads into the first full weekend of both college (week 2) and pro football (week 1).

One of the my most fond memories of this time goes back to the 2003 college football season, Sept. 13th to be exact. This is when defending National Champion and second-ranked Ohio State played host to the 24th ranked Philip Rivers-led North Carolina State Wolfpack in Columbus. My brother, who had recently gotten engaged, some friends and I snagged tickets to this game. And a blast it was, especially sitting in the N.C. State fan section catching good-natured (and not-so good natured) flack from the Wolfpack faithful.

Ohio State with the likes of Michael Jenkins, Chis Gamble, Santonio Holmes, A.J. Hawk, Will Allen, Mike Nugent jumped out front, led most of the way, then watched as Rivers, Jerricho Cotchery and T.A. McLendon staged an epic come back to tie the game at 24 in the last 21 seconds of regulation. If there wasn't trash talking in the stands before, it was amped up about 100 times now.

All of this despite the face my bother's then-boss had planned - and was to host - a huge engagement party for him and (his now wife) Stephanie that afternoon. If memory serves, the party was to start at 4pm - the game started at noon - so we should have plenty of time. As the game wore on, it's slow progress was noticed by even the non-football fans.

The exact moment the refs decided McLendon didn't
find the end zone 

Before the end of regulation, my brother was getting calls and texts from Steph - and our sister - about possibly being late to the party. Chad worked on smoothing things over assuring we would be there and not to worry. That's about the time overtime arrived, followed by a second overtime and then, of course, a third overtime. Ohio State won 44-38 in triple overtime, as A.J. Hawk and Will Allen stopped T.A. McLendon inches from the goal line on fourth down. The stadium went nuts, the N.C. State fans were less than joyous, we we reveled in witnessing firsthand an instant classic.

Then reality dropped like a bomb. The game took 4 1/2 hours, we had to rifle through the mass of 100,000 plus fans leaving Ohio Stadium, get to our car, maneuver in and out of the thousands of cars amassed in a traffic nightmare around campus, then make our way north to the Columbus suburb of Powell to join friends, family and acquaintances at a party held specifically for my brother by his boss that we would be well over an hour late for.

On the drive there we talked about the game and how the mass of people who have been waiting on us would react. It made me laugh as I remembered my sister, that morning, jokingly telling me I was responsible for getting my brother to his engagement party on time. There was quite a bit of nervous laughter as we made our way there. The truth is, though, we - or anyone in their right mind - would have never left in the middle of a game of that magnitude. Who is going to look back and say they left at the end of regulation, missing three overtime periods and the ending of one of the greatest college football games of all time with future hall-of-famers taking part?

Anyway, we arrived to a street packed with cars belonging to party-goers and as we walk up the door swings open. There is Steph, with the your-dead-to-me fake smile plastered to her face, staring my brother down like prey about to be destroyed. My sister darts out from behind her and heads straight for me, wearing the same sinister expression, "What did I say to you?! You guys are 90 minutes late!" I shrug my shoulders, but just as I attempt to make some sort of excuse, some other party-goers make their way out the door to greet us and congratulate my brother. I'm saved from my sister's wrath as she doesn't want to make a scene and we go along with the crowd into the house.

The rest of the party went surprising well, except the end part. Late that evening my bother, some of his friends and I may have stripped down to our skivvies and enjoyed his boss' pool as some party-goers watched in amazement (or horror). Yes, my brother did get married (the following December) and, yes, it was to Steph and they have been happily married since and now live in Austin, Texas. Though, from what I understand, the pool party we had at his then boss' house was the beginning of the end of the cordial relationship Chad had with his superior - this comes as no surprise.

It was a long time ago, but the memory of it is quite vivid.

For us, our way of completing Labor Day week was to 'labor' through the Amish Country Half Marathon the following Saturday. Why not take part in a race named for those who seems to "labor" more than the rest of us as part of their culture. The event includes a 10K and a 5K, of which L would be taking part. All three races have been sold out for quite some time.

This description of the race may be one of the reasons for it's popularity, "... the...course is a unique, challenging route unlike most typical races. You’ll experience the gorgeous rolling hills, sprawling Amish countryside, and take in some of Ohio’s most beautiful farmland. Challenge your body and refresh your mind on the back roads of Holmes County, and enjoy hot buttered noodles at the finish!" Now I know those who are good with words can make anything sound exotic or interesting, but to back it up the organizers put together a video of the course to match their description. 

Each registered runner would also received a SWAG bag with a variety of Amish made goods. It may also help that the Ribfest and Harvest Festival Parade in downtown Berlin would be taking place at the same time. This, it seemed, would be my heaven...running and food.

**We back EVERY pair with 

FREE Replacements if Lost or Broken**

**Each order also secures 11 meals 

to fight hunger through 

Feeding America**

Get a discount on your next pair of @shadyrays, Next Generation Shades, by using my promo code: "Simpson"  https://shadyrays.com/  Check them out, I have the X Series - Infrared Ice Polarized

   

                                    Live Hard. We Got You.

With most of August having been relatively mild (as compared to past years) and the first week of September being 90 plus and humid, it was a crazy contrast on this day with a high of 61 (maybe), an overcast sky and constant light rain & drizzle. Nothing like September being a jerk right off the bat. We stayed in nearby Sugarcreek (known as 'The Little Switzerland of Ohio") for the weekend, instead of driving two hours the morning of the race. Sugarcreek is also home to the World's Largest Cuckoo Clock (follow the link and see it in action at the 4:17 mark of the video), you will find a photo of it below.

And a little fun to make the day more interesting, the official race pacers would be an Amish horse and buggy. Local resident Dan Raber and his four-legged companion "Torpedo" (a picture of the two in action can be found below) would lead the field to start the 13.1 mile jaunt. So not only would we be fighting the elements and the topography, we would also have to dodge Torpedo's strategically planted road apples. Due to the perpetual rain, the road apples were more like apple sludge, but only sparsely populated our route.

The course

Standing in the rain and light breeze at the starting line under a blanket of clouds was a bit chilly. L heads to the car to warm up a bit as the 5K portion doesn't start for another 30 minutes.

Suddenly, my Garmin watch screen freezes in place as it attempts to connect and will not budge in anyway shape or form. I can't even turn it off as the count down begins and the start horn sounds. We take off and I have to go without tracking my progress, not a big deal - though it would have been nice.

A group of five drift in front of me as I attempt to keep within myself and moments later three of them are battling way out front. A female, high school kid and I are hanging back with me trailing the other two by 15 yards or so as the rolling hills lined with vast green fields and pastures drift by. My pace feels good and not too fast as the running in the elements helps ease some nerves - being able to focus on something else other than pace. The teen starts to distance himself and I think he may be going to fast, but then the half marathon and 10K split comes, he turns right for the 6.2 portion and it makes more sense. The girl and I turn left where at the two mile mark a long downhill comes. Using my long praying mantis legs, I let the momentum carry me down. I catch and pass the girl as we whiz pass a number of Amish homesteads with the residents loitering out front waving and offering support.

The Start

As the we reach level ground again, the girl is just behind me. I reach back with my left hand and second or two goes by before I feel her half-hearted high-five grazes my fingers. A chuckle is followed by a breathy, "Geez, I can't even high-five". She pulls even and we are well behind the leaders with no sound of those trailing. A mile or so later a water stop appears, I speed up in order to drift in front of her to refuel. I can hear her for a few minutes thereafter, then I find myself alone. Picking up the pace a bit, I revel in the colorful topography of Ohio's Amish Country as it is showered with the late summer rainfall. Every so often I glance at my watch and, yup - still frozen in place.

A long, steady uphill begins as the bike leading the second pack falls behind me. I put my head down and concentrate on moving my arms in tune with my legs, kind of like a train wheel affect. Bypassing onlookers and being passed by a few Amish horse & buggies going the opposite direction, I no longer hear the second bike lead. Finally cresting the hill and surrounded by colorful countryside competing with the dark gray atmosphere above, I'm directed to the left and mesh into the back end of the 10k group as the courses merge.

Cruising through Amish Country

Then comes another long downhill as I, again, let the momentum pull me down swerving in and out of 10k walkers along the narrow hollows lined with with trees and brush. It is comforting to see competitors again. The drizzle increases and it feels good as the half marathoners and 10k group reaches the second split. They go right, the half marathoners go left. A quick refuel and I'm alone again on the out and back portion of the course.

Passing farms, farmers, farmhands and livestock - I finally see the lead group making their way back. Giving each other congratulatory gestures as we pass, I count three in the lead group before coming upon the turn around myself. I stick out my right arm to assist with momentum when reversing course and I have a little over four miles to go. A minute or so later, I begin passing those trailing me - they aren't far behind.

L and I, coffee and buttered noodles

Back along the shared 10K and half marathon finish, I weave through walkers as the final winding, drawn out ascent begins. My legs are worn out and I push to the top with visions of an eventual downhill coming my way. With not much left in the tank, I stick to form as best I can and then a familiar voice rings loud and clear. Having finished her 5K not long ago, L bellows, "You have about a ten second lead on those behind you! Turn the corner," as she points ahead," and you have a little over a quarter mile to go." Out of the corner of my eye, to the right, I can see Grace Mennonite Church - the location of the start/finish line and post race feast.

Turning the corner, I let my moment pull me through the decline to the race shoot - I'm toast. Passing some 10K stragglers, I'm expecting those behind me to blow by any second. Just as I turn towards the finish line at the entrance of the church parking lot one of those chasers passes me, but I'm able to finish just before the girl who had tagged along before is able reel me in. I stick out my hand to grasp a finisher's medal, down a bottle of water, then grab a cup of coffee. It feels cold now as I am soaked, the drizzle continues to fall, the breeze has kicked up and I'm no longer moving.

L arrives with my jacket and we get in line for the complimentary hot Amish buttered noodles and other edibles. The noodles hit the spot and took a bit of the chill off, but not completely. We go back to the car to warm up and await the posting of results. L excitedly tells me she ran her fastest 5K since she started running again, coming in at 28:10. That's about the time my watch suddenly beeps to life. Oh, NOW you want to work - Thanks for nothing.

About 20 minutes later we had back out into the light rain for race details. I end up fifth overall and win my age group with a time of 1:28:37, my reward is an engraved jar glass. Since the weather was less than ideal for some, a number of entrants changed distances at the last minute. This meant the race details of the 5K and 10K would take awhile. We were cold, wet and tired so we left. We discovered later L placed as the fifth female and won her age group and missed out on getting her award.

Back at your hotel, we crashed for a few hours before heading to the Ribfest and Harvest Festival Parade in downtown Berlin  for sustenance, then to Millersburg Brewing Company to watch the Ohio State-Rutgers game. L wanted to see the race route for the half, so later on we drove the course then back to our hotel where we crashed watching football the rest of the day as it continued to rain.

At home the next day while unpacking, I found a tie with a nice tie clip attached to it. It wasn't mine, I didn't take it with us, it wasn't in our hotel and for the life of me couldn't figure out how I ended up with it - it just..."appeared". My only thought as that it was on a hook in the large restroom of the church where the race began and ended. I hung my jacket on a bathroom stall door and took it with me when I left, so I'm figuring the tie was on the hook to start with and I unknowingly grabbed it as well when retrieving my jacket.

The mysterious tie, did it
 lead to a "tie"?!

Now this isn't all that significant except for the fact we returned home early on Sunday morning specifically to watch the Browns-Steelers game. L is a lifelong Steelers fan and I am partial to the Browns, who have NOT LOST a regular season game since Christmas Eve 2016. And what happened on this day? The Browns DID NOT LOSE - well, they didn't WIN either, BUT they "TIED".

Did you read that...they "tie(d)". Yes...a TIE no one was expecting and came out of nowhere - sound familiar?! Like the mysterious "tie" I somehow came into possession of while at a church? I don't know about you, but I think this proves EVERYONE is a football fan and this was a half-hearted apology to Browns' fans for their pain and anguish. By half-hearted, I mean a victory wasn't going to be handed to them - seriously, miracles taking place in Cleveland, never gonna happen. Although, a seven day reprieve from further disappointment would suffice!

Of course Pittsburgh's five turnovers and missed/blocked field goals for both sides contributed to the tie - but nevertheless! A tie is a tie - I will take it.

So, there you go, football has returned, pumpkin & Oktoberfest beers are abound and our garden is producing it's last yields of the season - summer is over folks. Hard to believe, but the Nationwide Children's Hospital Columbus Marathon & 1/2 Marathon is - again - on the October horizon. Though we will still have some hot & muggy weather for a little while and we aren't going to complain.

Because, you know, it is Ohio - the sweater weather will come soon enough...

The Neighbourhood - Sweater Weather

And all I am is a man

I want the world in my hands

I hate the beach

But I stand in California with my toes in the sand

Use the sleeves on my sweater

Lets have an adventure

Head in the clouds but my gravity centered

Touch my neck and I'll touch yours

You in those little high waisted shorts

Oh, she knows what I think about

And what I think about

One love, two mouths

One love, one house

No shirts, no blouse

Just us, you find out

Nothing I really wanna tell you about no

'Cause it's too cold, whoa

For you here

And now, so let me hold, whoa

Both your hands in the holes of my sweater

And if I may just take your breath away

I don't mind if there's not much to say

Sometimes the silence guides your mind

So move to a place so far away

The goosebumps start to race

The minute that my left hand meets your waist

And then I watch your face

Put my finger on your tongue 'cause you love to taste yeah

These hearts adore, everyone the other beat heart is for

Inside this place is warm

Outside it starts to pour

Coming down

One love, two mouths

One love, one house

No shirts, no blouse

Just us, you find out

Nothing I really wanna tell you about, no no no

'Cause it's too cold, whoa

For you here

And now, so let me hold, whoa

Both your hands in the holes of my sweater

'Cause it's too cold, whoa

For you here

And now, so let me hold, whoa

Both your hands in the holes of my sweater

Whoa, whoa, whoa

Whoa, whoa whoa

Whoa, whoa whoa

Whoa, whoa

Whoa, whoa whoa

Whoa, whoa

'Cause it's too cold, whoa

For you here

And now, so let me hold, whoa

Both your hands in the holes of my sweater

It's too cold, whoa

For you here

And now, so let me hold, whoa

Both your hands in the holes of my sweater

It's too cold, it's too cold

The hands of my sweater

Photos Courtesy of Lauren B.

The official pacers: Dan Raber and 

his horse Torpedo

World's Largest Cuckoo Clock. And it works, the musical
figures come out every 30 minutes.

Race day, our location is the blue
dot. Rain, everywhere.

Half mile to go

Posing with my award

Watching Ohio State-Rutgers at
Millersburg Brewing

L....not too shabby.

The second group bike lead, chasing me

The hills were monsters

The SWAG

The award

The take home: Brut-al Pom:
Pomegranate Brut IPA

What Can Brown Do for You?

Sometimes long runs are needed for more than just training. They are used for contemplation, to focus on something other than the present and - now and then - they are a way to avoid dealing with a mess. Last month, without knowing it, a long run helped me avoid swimming in a river of sh*t.

It was Wednesday, August 23rd, and after arriving home from work I had planned my weekly 10+ mile run. I usually do this on Tuesdays, but a work related event the night before forced me to push it back one day. As I headed out, L (who has started running) was going to leave shortly thereafter for a couple of miles. I turn on my Garmin Watch, wait for it to connect (which now seems to take forever) and take off.

For a couple of days our summer weather turned mid-autumn and it was a rather cool late afternoon for August, around 70, which made the run that more enjoyable. As I return - one hour, 15 minutes and 10.20 miles later - I pass our house and see L moving something to our carport. I stop my watch and walk for a quarter mile or so as a cool down, an out and back. As I'm coming back L is headed toward me and once she is within an "I don't need to let the world to know" distance, she says, "Oh, I have story for you!"

Jameson & Whiskey taking advantage of our basement
belongings now occupying our front room.

She says just after I left, she went back inside and heard a gurgling sound coming from the basement. Upon investigating, she sees a brown liquid emanating from the floor drain. And in the style of The Beverly Hillbillies, "..up through the ground come a bubblin' crude." No it wasn't oil, or black gold, or a tea from any state. It was sewage, brown poop water, a pool of human discharge and within minutes it is encompassing nearly a quarter of our basement. Being a much better manager of things than I, she freaks out - but only for a minute or two. She leaves frantic, yet informative, messages for our landlord. Then starts evacuating everything she can.

We were saved from the fact that the lazy fountain of feces was located away from nearly everything we have in the basement. Utilizing the stairs and our basement door to the backyard, L moved everything worth something to our upstairs front room and/or carport. Our landlord finally returned her call to say an area emergency plumbing company would be swinging by soon. And the representative from that company was all of four houses down from us.

The look on L's face when explaining the awful smell made me want to puke just thinking about it. If I had been there, this easily to queeze stomach of mine would have erupted instantaneously. The plumber arrived and after investigating our indoor spa from hell, said he remembers being called to our place a few years ago for something similar. My thought was, "Dude, we've been here for five months. We are free from persecution."

He had to go next door, the other side of our duplex, to get into their basement where the access to our toilet plumbing is located. Thankfully, we are on good terms with them. After 30 minutes or so of snaking the pipes and testing various forms of water flow, the swamp began to drain. Still sitting on the floor of our front room in my soiled-with-sweat running clothes, L looks at me, "You know, it's late and I don't feel like cooking." I was in complete agreement, so we showered and ordered pizza.

Our landlord had indicated they would have folks come to clean the basement the following day, but L says, "If they don't, would you mind starting the process when you come home tomorrow?" Now, I have yet to enter the basement or even open the door to glance down the basement stairs - so I know not what it looks like or how it smells. I reluctantly said I would, but in hopes of avoiding it, I was praying to god our landlord was the grand champion of keeping promises.

Once home the next day I notice our basement door is still closed. Maybe, because we had it closed, those who were expected to come clean up closed it as well. I crept down the steps gingerly hoping not to see what took place the night before. It was sort of a reverse Christmas morning tiptoe, "Santa didn't leave anything behind, Santa didn't leave anything behind" I keep telling myself in the way Rain Man was enamored with "97X BAAM The future of rock and roll".

Halfway down I slowly turn to the left to look behind the stairs and there it is, a puddle of chunky liquid round the drain with an even larger outer ring of dried pieces of whatnot surrounding the puddle. It didn't smell horribly, but I did open the basement door to the outside and turn on our HVAC's fan in hopes of encouraging the stench outdoors. A mop, bucket of hot water & multi-purpose cleaner, elbow grease, our $10 yard sale find shop-vac and 90 minutes later - our basement was free from the dungeon of discharge and with a nice lemony aroma to boot.

When arriving home, L comes to investigate and apologizes for my having to clean it up - but it had to be done. She notices the shop vac, which is old anyway and louder than an NHRA event (it can be heard several house down, can't imagine why it was in that yard sale we visited a few months ago), and says to me, "We are throwing that thing way, RIGHT?!

"Oh, hell yeah", I reply, "Do you want to go dump it?"

She looks at me like I'v just eaten a live kitten, "Just set it next to the trash, we'll empty it somewhere before Tuesday (trash day)."

I washed, then sanitized, then washed (again) and sanitized (again) my feet before putting on clean, lemony-scent free clothes so we could fulfill our regular Thursday night visit to Staas Brewing. The newly tapped Cinnamon Basil Saison that night hit the spot. The proprietors, Liz & Donald, have become friends of ours - I had never appreciated them more then on this particular day.

Three days later, one of our duplex neighbors finds us outside, "Oh, they (those who work for our landlord) wanted me to let you know that they came by to clean our basements on Friday." Um....what?! So someone did come by to clean the standing lagoon of excrement in our basement, but it was TWO DAYS LATER. Not only that, we were never notified (which is typically the case when they have to enter our house). I don't know why they would think we would let the cesspool of stool linger. Holy crap (yes, I get the irony...shut it!), thanks for the effort! Remind me call you a week after we set the house on fire.

That weekend, L was brave enough to empty the encapsulated bowel movements located in the little shop-vac of horrors while I was out town. It took all she had not to puke. I'm sorry, but I'm glad it wasn't met.

In an effort to make light of our brown colored misfortune, I thought taking part in the Little Brown Jog 5k and Kids Fun Run in our hometown could ease the memory of our visit from St. Excrement. This event coincides with The Little Brown Jug harness race for three-year-old pacing standardbreds hosted by the Delaware County Agricultural Society since 1946 at the Delaware County Fairgrounds. And, also, maybe the logo for the race made my 10 year-old brain think of a giant turd getting a workout, so of course I had to sign-up.

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Benefiting People in Need Inc. of Delaware County, the race would take place on Ohio’s famed Little Brown Jug race track, home of the fastest half-mile harness race in America, and helps kick off Delaware's fair month. It didn't hurt either that the race, and fairgrounds, were all of .7 miles from our house and started at noon.

The course would start and end on the race track and wind through the fairgrounds. And you have to love those community races that list these as event highlights: Finishers medals, Kids Fun Run (a lap around the track), Face painting and balloon animals by a local artist, Get your picture taken with a Little Brown Jug race horse, Learn how People in Need is improving the lives of your neighbors and Free parking and refreshments!

The start, I'm in the yellow.

Being the first full Saturday of college football, the attendance was expected to be light and it was. If anything, it would be a nice way to stretch the weekend legs. At packet pick-up, the gentleman takes my name, looks up from his computer and gives me a number, "You'll be 1919", then looks at L, "...and Karen?". She looks at me, then back at the official, "Oh, no. It's just him", pointing at me. He apologizes for his mistake and we move on.

We watch the kids fun run and finally get to the starting line. We're told to follow the signs and for added assistance there would be someone at each turn making sure we are going the right direction. We take off and around half of the horse track we go. I have a young kid riding my tail and I feel like I'm going a little fast, but no worries, this is just a fun run. We go off the track and follow a maze of turns around the fairgrounds.

At mile one, I'm at 5:55. The young kid drifts out of earshot, but I hear another coming up behind me. I come up on a water stop and those manning it are watching as the cups are sitting on a table. I try to reach out and grab one, but my perspiration covered hand slides right off of it, knocking a few over in the process. Frustrated, I wave my arm in disgust.  Just before the two mile mark (6:08), a high school aged kid passes me. Working on sticking with a good pace, we come upon the backside of the of horse track from whence we came.

The 2.24 mile 5K. We could have backtracked to make it 3.1,
but that was too much to ponder I guess.

Expecting to go around the fairgrounds again, we're directed back onto the track. One of the two race workers seems confused but follows his fellow "turn-pointing person". The kid in front now has a rather large lead as I work my way around the other end of the horse track. I start to wonder why we are headed to the start/finish line and think maybe there's another turn somewhere, but the answer to that is "no". When I could finally read the clock through the sun glare, I'm only at 13-something or other.

Did we go the wrong way?

I cross the finish and I'm greeted with a high five from the kid who finished ahead of me. I grab some water and look at my watch to see 2.24 miles completed in 13:39. That's when I hear L from a distance, "How long was that?" I tell her and she proceeds to relay this information to a few onlookers who are equally confused. The kid who won asks me, "Did we make a wrong turn?" I reply with, "Maybe those directing traffic were wrong."

Though everyone else seems to be either okay with what just happen or are unaware. We hang around for a few minutes and L spots the race director walking by and, "Hi, I'm sorry to bother you, but was the race a little short today?" The woman wasn't perturbed, but seemed a bit annoyed and came off a little snarky, "Yeah, we were under some route restrictions, so we had to shorten it up this morning." She then walks off like everyone shortens races by an entire mile, assumes it wouldn't be a big deal and figures there is no reason to share this information with anyone. What seemed to be an easy fix was something she didn't want to mess with.

Post Race football Saturdays 
are awesome

It was a small community event with proceeds going to a local charity, so it wasn't a huge deal. I, though, would have enjoyed knowing what was happening. Before leaving I tried plugging in my bib number into the results computer and nothing came up. Figuring they haven't been uploaded, L and I then strolled home and flipped on the television to join the rest of the sports loving world in watching college football. As we are lounging around, I grab my phone to look up the race results and...I don't see my name or finish time - I some how did not exist at this event.

Thinking back to packet pick-up, the folks at the table were manually inputting bib numbers as they were being handed out. When the gentleman thought L was "Karen", he apparently backed out of the number input window on his computer after catching his mistake and never saved my information. I preregistered, appeared on the race entry list, received my race swag bag and ran the not-quite-5K - but that's about the extent of my involvement according to the results.

It wasn't something to be overly concerned about, just annoying. It was a hot, muggy, long September weekend and had more pressing things to do. We took it all in stride, despite the goofiness.

Next weekend, it is the Amish Country Half Marathon for me and the 5K portion of that event for L. This will be a telling event for both us: can I sustain progress on a course that isn't flat? Will L regret her decision to start running and take out her frustration on me? Will we melt now that the sweltering late summer weather has arrived? We shall see, there's no turning back now, so...way down we go.......

Kaleo - Way Down We Go

Father tell me, we get what we deserve

Oh we get what we deserve

And way down we go

Way down we go

Say way down we go

Way down we go

You let your feet run wild

Time has come as we all oh, go down

Yeah but for the fall oh, my

Do you dare to look him right in the eyes?

'Cause they will run you down, down til the dark

Yes and they will run you down, down til you fall

And they will run you down, down til you go

Yeah so you can't crawl no more

And way down we go

Way down…

Photos courtesy of Lauren B.

Finishing whatever it was I just ran

The kid behind me was your winner.

L and I, or non-existent race participant and "Karen"

Better things on Labor Day
weekend.

The poop night pizza box & the
$10 (now discarded) shop vac

Even better Labor Day weekend
things

The Cinnamon Basil Saison from
Staas Brewing.