A Buena Vista 'La Victoire' Brut Rose Champagne 750ML was to arrive at our house and would assist my wife & I celebrate our third anniversary on August 25th. On the 23rd, I received details from UPS stating said bottle had arrived at their facility in nearby Columbus, Ohio and was scheduled to be delivered on Thursday, the 25th - which would be right on time. Though, I couldn't help but wonder why it would take two days to get to us from a location 30 minutes away.
With my head about to explode, I give UPS a call. I'm told the Friday (Aug. 26th) delivery didn't happen due to a mechanical failure on the delivery truck that morning. I was only alerted to the delivery date change to Monday, the 29th, several hours after said mechanical failure. When asked why I wasn't alerted to the truck issues hours before (of which I could have driven to the facility located in the city I have worked in for nearly everyday for a decade), I was simply told, "We don't do that". I was also alerted that, for a fee, I could have the item dropped off at a UPS affiliate location and pick it up myself. "Why would I pay a fee for a process that your company caused, or were responsible for?", I asked. I received an answer loaded with jargon & double-speak I'm still trying to comprehend - hence, it was a customer service rep. who was simply doing her job of reading company issued gobbledygook from the frequently asked question document all CSRs have as a reference (I've been there, and know it quite well) and that a weekend delivery was not a possibility.
She then reiterated, that the re-re-re-rescheduled date of our Champagne would be Monday, the 29th when I'm at work and my wife will be home, but also preoccupied with work (she is an online school teacher). Knowing this wasn't her fault, but yet irked beyond comprehension, I sarcastically thanked her for her time and hung up.
At work the following day, Saturday, the 27th, I get notification from UPS that a delivery attempt of said item took place at 10:30 that morning. I audibly blurted out a, "What the F*ck!" as I was lucky to be far enough away to not be heard by human, animal, insect or plant. On this Saturday, my wife and son had joined my mother-in-law on a park excursion as it was a fantastic day weather-wise here in Central Ohio. Their trip took place in the same time the non-delivery day-delivery took place and with no one there to sign for it, our Champagne would make it's way back to the Marion facility.
I call UPS, again, from work, now fully vexed and with an irrational need to want to drive the nearest, sharpest object I can find into my ear canal. I request an explanation as to why the Saturday delivery attempt took place when I was told, by a living & breathing person, that Saturday was not an option and Monday would be the delivery day - as well as by the UPS delivery app saying Monday was definitely the expected arrival day. This better informed CSR indicated that the previous representative was not aware the facility located in Marion DOES weekend deliveries as many of the UPS locations in and around the United States of America DO NOT.
The girl overly apologized and when asked if a re-delivery could take place later on this day when I would be at home, she said she would request but the possibility of it happening was slim to none. She also gave me the affiliate location drop-off option, though I just dropped my head and squeezed my eyes closed to force back the ever increasing inferno of disenchantment saying I wasn't going to pay for her company's lack of communication. She was very nice, saying she was there to listen as she completely understood why I was in the state I was in. I thanked her for her time, saying maybe my wife and I would be able to enjoy the bottle sometime within the next week, month or year or before it turned to a fine brut, pickling vinegar.
On Monday, the 29th, while at work I received a text just after the noon hour from L saying, "It arrived!" After all that had taken place, she half-jokingly asked if she should refrigerate it. To tell you the truth, I'm not sure if we should drink it or simply keep it as a momento of the weirdest anniversary celebration gift scenario we will most likely ever encounter.
So finally, a bottle of champagne that landed 30 minutes from us, then hit the casinos in Atlantic City for a day, returned to Columbus, made a day trip past my house to a closer facility, experienced car trouble, returned to the facility, made it's way to my unoccupied house, then back to that closer facility - 5 minutes from where I was working AT THAT TIME - to then wait to be delivered - again - four days after our anniversary, a full seven days after arriving within spitting distance of my house and two days prior to our actual anniversary.
That better be one damn tasty bottle of bubbly...
