We've gone through all of the colors of the COVID-19 spectrum and seem to be on a most welcomed downward swing, or upward swing, depending on how you look at it. One shot & two shot vaccines can be found everywhere and a big sigh of relief is being slowly released as we gear up for a summer like the one's we used to know - those prior to 2020.
While we eagerly await the season of sun worshipping, we are sorting through the remnants of all things weird that piled upon us the last 15 months or so. Some of those things continue to pop up now and then. For example, one Monday morning near the end of March I get a text from L at work.
It read:
"Well, XXXXXX is very late...she is stuck in her closet at home."
Like any curious human, I'm confused and eager for clarification. My request for details was simply, "...what...?"
Apparently this coworker had a closet door close behind her while preparing to leave for work on this day. This door has a locking mechanism that is not in proper working order, so one could (and did) lock themselves inside. This coworker was able to garner assistance for her involuntary self-imprisonment, but it consisted of a locksmith, three (3) hours, a dent in the bank account and an undetermined amount of embarrassment. Later in the day, the same coworker didn't understand as to why she was given grief for leaving work on time despite arriving 180 minutes after expectation for being caught by a Venus Flytrap masquerading as a bedroom storage unit.
For me, at work one day a couple of weeks ago, our maintenance manager Scott - who arrives hours before any one else each day - sent this email to all staff, "There was a walker in the parking lot this morning . No, not a zombie but someone’s walker. If anyone comes in looking for it . It is located in the first floor maintenance room." You would be surprised to know how many people would have confused a walking assistance device with a human flesh-eating freak of fiction.
Yes, truth is stranger than fiction. If we have learned anything in the past year, this is the new normal. But if you have been lucky enough to know me at all...this....has ALWAYS been normal.
Case in point, fixing dinner not too long ago, I pull out the
Nashville Hot Chicken spice rub for some chicken breast for dinner. Noticing it was starting to congeal, I went to shake the container once or twice to loosen it up. Not realizing the flip-top shaker lid had not been closed
(the likely reason it was in the process of solidifying), the initial shake saw the spice mix shoot into my face, onto the countertop, into my glass of beer, on the floor, my hair, my glasses, my clothes and the surrounding atmosphere.
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The wrath of the
Ark of the Covenant has
nothing on Nashville Hot Chicken |
"What the ****?!", came out of my month and L - who was sitting at the table behind me doing school work - counters with, "Oh...I'm sorry!", as she realizes she was likely the one who didn't close the lid previously. "I can help...", she begins to say before I quickly cut her off, "NO...No...no, don't worry about it. I got it.", as I'm agitated at the mess I created. That's when the sting of a thousand lightning bolts shoot through my right socket.
The red-orange fire powder of cayenne, salt, black pepper, garlic powder, dry mustard and paprika is melting my optic nerve. As L dutifully goes about her grad school work, I'm five feet away with my head firmly in the kitchen sink splashing fistfuls of water into my ocular cavity in order to douse the household napalm out of my skull. When the pain reduced from being burned alive to ice pick-to-the-face, I went to the shower to take off my shirt and wash whatever I could from my upper torso.
Through the trickle of mucus from my nasal cavity and remaining tears from my scorched eyeball, I clean up the mess and finish dinner. Yup, everyday normal at our house.
To keep us at an even-keel regarding the not-so-normal normal, we find that running is an excellent stress reliever and frustration killer. And for something more than running for the sake of running, we welcomed - for the 5th consecutive year -
The Buck Fifty - Southern Ohio's 150 mile, 24 hour, 10 person team relay. Last year's event had to be postponed till July in an effort to institute COVID-19 protocols. It was still an outstanding event (as always), but everyone missed their early spring shot of running adrenaline. And, that too, some folks were not fans of the late July heat. Adding to the clunky year it was, this was also the same exact weekend of the great
Garmin Ransomware Attack of 2020 - rendering their websites, apps and all related devices useless, not tracking or saving any run or workout of any kind. These details, for most of us, were lost forever.
Luckily, now with full COVID protocols in place and several months to have fine tuned them, we were able to welcome spring back with another relay gauntlet. And since
Garmin paid around $10 million to the hackers, we stat geeks were primed to salivate over splits, elevation and VO2 Max details with running friends around the world!
As always, things change and this year's version of team Traffic Panthers would look a little different. Due to general life living and quirks, about half of our ten person, two driver team would consist of new faces. Sure we would miss those familiarities, but strive forward we must. To further prepare, I had my first COVID vaccine dose on Friday, March 26th. Not feeling any side effects, I put in a 10 mile training run a couple of hours later. As it worked out, COVID stab #2 would come the morning of this year's running soiree in Ross County.
It's a new year, we have a new team, there's a new race start/finish line, we have some new routes, 75 total teams and the same four national & state parks surrounding our journey through Ross County's Appalachian foothills - it would be The Buck Fifty, version 5.0!
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Brand new this year is where we would begin and where we would end. In previous years,
Ohio University-Chillicothe and/or the area high atop Carlisle Hill played host but this time around we would start and finish in downtown Chillicothe in front of the historic
Majestic Theatre. This is a place I watched several movies as a kid & young adult. One of those most memorable was
E.T. the Extra- Terrestrial as a 7 year-old in 1982 and holding back tears when E.T. died. There was also the one summer in my early twenties when I was way to nice and dragged to a double-feature by a platonic female friend to watch
Steel Magnolias and
The Truth About Cats & Dogs...(crickets)...(crickets) ...so...yeah,
The Buck Fifty! |
| COVID stab #2 |
I would be tasked with position #2 this year, which would be new race territory for me but not unfamiliar. The second leg would be an adjusted route from prior years. I joined a few Buck Fifty runners in covering this leg in March. Among them was former Ross County prep track & cross country standout (and team
Paint Valley Prison Break member) Daniel Gardner. He and I pushed the pace on that bright frigid Saturday morning. Depending on how things turnout, I was curious to know if I could top that pace on this day without DG pulling me along. And lucky enough, COVID stab #2 just hours before wasn't effecting me in any way. I waited till about five minutes before I was to start to tell teammates Mark & Stacey, both of which had looks of horror thinking I had just screwed us.
However, I felt relatively decent. If I was worn at all, it was due to the 2 hour drive to Chillicothe shortly before I was to start. This was leg #2:
Distance: 7.4 miles
Elevation Change: 316 feet
0.20 mi Turn down the Adena hill
0.65 mi At the bottom of the hill go straight onto the bike path
1.15 mi Turn right onto Yaples Orchard Dr and go up the hill
2.51 mi Turn left onto Avalon Dr.
2.65 mi Turn left onto gravel road through field
3.00 mi Turn right onto Larrick Ln
3.44 mi Turn left onto bike path
3.91 mi Turn right onto Clinton Rd behind the Marathon gas station, and make a quick left back onto the bike path that parallels Veterans Pkwy
5.50 mi Go under Veterans Pkwy through tunnel and make a right to continue straight on the bike path
7.08 mi Follow the bike path until you hit the T at Maple Grove Rd. and turn right
7.17 mi Turn left at the intersection and stay to the left as you go up the hill at Sulphur Lick Rd, and then turn right into the checkpoint at the top of the hill.
Traffic Panther Josh arrives at 5:17 P.M. and I take off into a wonderful down hill, followed by a monster up hill through an upscale neighborhood and onto the bike path where I'm able to settle in to some consistency. Yes, I do feel a bit more worn then typical but - again - I just drove two hours to get here. I pick off about five runners and the last mile was a bit of a struggle, but soon I make it to the checkpoint and hand-off to Mark. My watch indicates 7.30 miles covered in 48:57 (6:42 pace), about a minute faster than the practice run the previous month.
Not long after van #1 finishes our first go around and Van #2 takes over at Adena High School at dusk. We van #1 members head to Mark's house for a short rest and bacon, sausage and egg souffle. I close my eyes for a few minutes, but didn't sleep at all. We take off again at 11pm to van transition #2 at the grain mill in Kingston. It is cold, but it is bustling with vans, runners, music and smells of grilled hot dogs & coffee. Teammate Sarah from van #2 arrives to hand off to Josh which means I would be next as our vans part ways again.
At Zane Trace High School and dressed as a living laser light show, I'm bouncing around to stay warm as it is 36 degrees. Runners are coming and going, but finally Josh arrives and I'm off for my second venture at 12:56 A.M. and this is how it is described:
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| The Buck Fifty Leg #12 |
Leg #12
Distance: 3.7 miles, relatively flat
1. Continue south on Sulphur Spring Rd. to the first stop sign. Continue straight and the road will turn into Marietta Rd. at the first four-way stop.
2. Follow Marietta straight and at 3.17 miles you will go straight as this turns into Hopetown Rd. Marietta will make a left, BUT YOU NEED TO STAY STRAIGHT ONTO HOPETOWN.
3. Continue straight over the overpass and take the first right onto Chambers
4. Checkpoint is at Waste Management 675 Chamber Drive.
It is a relatively straight stretch with small undulating inclines, short and fast. Under the cover of darkness, I'm able to focus on speed since I simply can't see anything else around me. I pass nine runners along the way and in the last 200 meters the beginnings of a side stitch arise, but I fight on and hand off to Mark once again. My watch indicates 3.72 miles covered in 24:13 (6:31 pace). Hard to complain, but the last half mile or so was less than comfortable.
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| Staying warm |
Again, soon we would reach van transition #3 at Walnut Creek Campground where a nice blazing fire attracted runners like a bug zapper. Van #2 arrives after their very brief rest and they take over around 3:30 A.M. We then make our way back to Mark's house for a bit longer rest and additional fuel (food). There I take a welcomed hot shower and inhale the remnants of the souffle and sausage. I did actually fall asleep for about 30 minutes, but the adrenaline was flowing and was to keyed up to drift away.
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| From Southeastern H.S. |
At 6:00 A.M, we are back on the road for van transition #4 at Southeastern High School and the Saturday morning is arriving from behind the Southern Ohio foothills. Like clockwork, van #2 arrives and Josh is off for a third time. The next stop is at Shelly & Sands where I would meet Josh for my final run. This leg is described as:
The leg #22
Distance: 6.2 miles
Elevation Change: 418 feet
Total Gain: 858 feet
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| The Buck Fifty Leg #22 |
1. Turn Right out of the gravel quarry and head South on Higby Rd. Follow across the railroad tracks. Be very cautious and DO NOT take chances with a train!
2. After the tracks you will turn Left onto Higby Rd at the T.
3. You will quickly come to your entrance to the Buckeye Trail on the Right in about 50 yards. The trail is marked with light blue paint on the trees. Follow these all the way to large open area mentioned below at 5.5 miles into the run.
4. At approximately 2.5 miles you will cross over a gravel road and take a left onto the trail. There has been some tree harvesting there and the trail is wider, and a little mushy for then next 1/4 mile and you'll be back on single track.
5. At 5.5 miles into the run, you will come into a clearing that is an abandoned air strip. You will run along the right edge of the tree line working your way to a wooden bridge to cross over a small creek and over Airport Rd into the trail system. Stay right and follow the white paint marks on the trees.
6. When you exit, you will be directly across from checkpoint #22 on Stoney Creek Rd so please use caution crossing this road.
At 8:08 A.M., Josh arrives and I take off feeling ready to tackle some hills. Trudging up the initial massive incline of this portion of the Buckeye Trail (Ohio's 1,400 mile hiking trail, circling the entire state) I pass two runners and as I reach the crest and turn right on the the now widened path I hear, "passing on your right!"
Blowing by me is a kid wearing Shawnee State gear and within a minute, he has disappeared. Sticking to my guns, I keep my pace along the rugged terrain - going as fast as I can, while trying to stay upright. Along the way I pass several more runners and at about halfway through I come about one of them leisurely laying across the path scrolling on this phone. As I hurdle him I ask, "Dude, you okay?"
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The clean version of
my knee. |
"Yeah, I'm alright", he says. He must have been hurt, but not in serious pain, so I continue on
(we would find out later that he had fractured his right lateral malleolus, the outside ankle bone, and would spend some time up on the mountain before help could reach him). Probably three minutes later, and in a nice groove, my left foot catches a rock and I'm tossed face forward. My left knee bludgeons the rocky trail and my right hand keeps my face from doing the same. It hurt, it hurt bad. Though, I bounce right back up in one motion and continue on.
With my knee throbbing and my hand in similar shape, I pass two folks coming the opposite direction in the span of about a mile. They were on their way to reach the kid with the broken ankle, though they could have mistaken me for the injured on as I could feel the blood was rolling down by leg. Coming out of the hill and towards airport road, I reach an SUV with a few folks nearby. "Do you know if they've reached the injured runner?," I'm asked as I fly by. Unfortunately, I had to relay that the dude was pretty far back and the rescuers had some time before they would reach him.
I cross Airport Road and up into another steep trail incline on the other side, I'm moving, though its like I'm stuck in molasses. Soon, I stop seeing signs depicting The Buck Fifty logo and come to a trail crossing in front me. I'm not sure which direction I need to go. I ran this route about a year ago, but don't remember which way I took. I yell out to see if anyone was within earshot, "Which way do I need to go?!," and of course there is no one but me.
I take a stab at it and go left. Alas, before long it became obvious I had selected the wrong direction. After a mile or so of inclines & declines, I sucked up my exhausted pride and reversed course. Now tired and frustrated, I make my way back and had to walk up one incline because my legs were simply dead. I get back to where my demise began (now realizing the Buck Fifty logo signs had evolved into white blazes) and make my way down finally reaching the checkpoint. I'm handed a bottle of water and I tossed it aside in disgust. Then promptly retrieve it because I needed it.
My teammates tell me they thought I had been the injured runner, but everyone coming in had indicated I had passed them. It was then obvious I had taken a wrong turn. My watch says I traveled 8.66 miles in 1:30:16, climbing about 1,500 feet. In all, the wrong turn and my ensuing stupidity added about 30 minutes to our time. I spend the next couple of stops attempting to catch my breathe and sopping up the dried blood caked to my knee.
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The 2021 Traffic Panthers
at the finish |
Soon we reach the last van transition and van #2 is off for the remaining five legs. I get back to my car and head over to
Old Capitol Brewing to relax and drown my frustration in a nice stout. Before long, the occupants of both vans are at the finish line as Sarah arrives to end our journey. And in the annual Buck Fifty traditional we are announced and cross in front of the grandstand together, as a team.
We finish right at 23 hours and 37th out of 72 teams, though if you erase the 30 minutes I mistakenly added on we should have finish six to seven places higher - but it is what it is. To help with drive home, L had ridden down earlier to do some hiking with her mom & brother and met up with me at the finish line. She drove us home because in my zombie-like state, I don't know if I could have made it by myself.
The Traffic Panthers nearly immediately began making plans for year #6 and will be ready in April 2022 to battle Ross County, yet again. A big THANK YOU to the 2021 Traffic Panthers...
Van #1: Josh Tyler, yours truly, Mark Cenci, Eric Derringer, Dave Brown- Driver- Stacey Tyler.
Van #2- Kaleigh Gillum, Eli Fox, Dustin Weaver, Lisa Spradlin, Sarah Bost- Driver- Zane Taylor
We bid you adieu for another 12 months while going about our daily lives. Though, pay close attention because the Traffic Panthers running team likes to prowl and if provoked....you'll hear trouble comin'...
Royal Blood - Trouble's Coming
I gave my knuckles a run for their money, spider web
Cracks on the mirror, I see someone but not somebody
If I could then I would
If I could then I would
If I could
I let my demons take hold and CHOKE ON ME
Can’t FILL these holes that I’m digging
Can’t STOP my heart when it’s sinking
BUT If I could then I would
If I could then I would
If I could
IF I COULD YOU don’t think I would pretend
Troubles coming but I still don’t know when
That’s the voice that I can hear in my head
I hear it over and over again
I hear trouble coming, over and over again
In my reflection I see signs of psychosis
I try to pay them no attention can’t keep them under the surface
If I could then I would
If I could then I would
If I could
IF I COULD you don’t think I would pretend
Troubles coming but I still don’t know when
That’s the voice that I can hear in my head
I hear it over and over again
I hear trouble coming, over and over again
I can’t wait forever
Cause I don’t have the time left to spend
Wishing I was someone better
Wishing I could start all over again
I hear trouble coming, I hear trouble coming
Over and over again
IF I COULD you don’t think I would pretend
Troubles coming but I still don’t know when
That’s the voice that I can hear in my head
I hear it over and over again
I hear trouble coming, I hear trouble coming
Over and over again
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| Where the weekend began for all 70 or so teams |
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| Leg #1 completion beer. |
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| Leg #2 completion beer |
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| Leg #3 completion beer |
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| Van stats - Traffic Panthers are stupid sometimes |
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| At Old Capitol Brewing |
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| From the Adena High School checkpoint |
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| That's me, leg #1 is finished |
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| The Kingston grain mill checkpoint |
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| Traffic Panthers Van #1 |
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| Josh preparing to start us off |
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| Traffic Panthers Van #2 |
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